Squirrelly
by susan sebest
Summary: Hagrid meets Merrys people under less than ideal circumstances. Mind the dog.


Squirrelly

Disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction. It is not meant to be reflective of the works of J.K. Rowling, or to infringe on the rights held by Warner Brothers. Merry, Vigyl, Maura, and LuLu are original characters, not part of the Harry Potter series.

It was too much rich for one.

Sunlight dappled and danced through the canopy of branches high overhead, as Merry eased back against the soft bottom of the stream. Cool water cascaded over her bare flesh, making her shiver, heightening her senses to the special magic of this place… the faint rustling breeze that whispered to her from among the tall grasses at the water's edge, the tiny splash of a speckled brook trout leaping at a damsel fly not far away, shadows dancing and playing amid the trees, and the gentle rippling sound of the ancient forest stream… now her stream.

She stretched, and smoothed her hands slowly through the waters, feeling as natural to this place as any, yet again wanton, in the way she sought its filling of her senses. This was her time, her place, her secret….

"Yeh look like a little mermaid."

She jumped about a foot, and scrambled to cover herself. Hagrid sat on a nearby boulder, hands on knees, clearly enjoying the view.

"Hagrid, you'll do me a mischief. Will you kindly turn 'round?"

"The things I won't do for you, woman," he growled, rising to do a pirouette, and then reseating himself. "There. I don't know what that was in aid of."

"Could you at least cover your eyes?"

He covered one eye. "Yeh mean this one? Or is this one better?" he grinned, changing to the other one.

He laughed to himself. How was it, Merry could wander around in front of him barely contained in her little silky bits, but if he came upon her like this, it was all whoops, blush, cover the interesting bits. Merry had quite a lot of interesting bits, and was currently coming in first place in the blushing competition.

She gave up grinning, and walked quickly over, reaching for the towel lying beside him.

"Merry, half-seen yer still twice the woman," he breathed.

She wrapped the towel around her, and smiled softly at him, taking his face in her hands. "Every time you look at me, I feel new."

Hagrid blinked. Well she was new to him, wasn't she? So used had he become to sleeping alone in that big bed, lookin' at them four walls, goin' 'bout his business…

He sat in stunned silence.

…an' then she walks in. All creamy skin an' soft smiles. Eyes that put a meadow t' shame…

"Hagrid, are you listening?"

…hair that shimmers along behind 'er like a waterfall when she walks…

"Hagrid?"

…good gawd, when she walks.. how'd women stay all put together when some bits move like tha'?

Merry had given up, and was staring.

Hagrid suddenly cocked his head in recognition.

I been invaded. That's wha'.

He half-closed his eyes, and set his lips while peering at her. "Right."

"Right?"

He raised himself, firm in his resolve.

Merry tilted her head , and peered at him suspiciously. "I know that look. Hagrid, don't you dare."

In an instant, she was scooped up over his shoulder.

"We shall fight on the beaches," he intoned, lightly smacking her bottom, while looking around.

"Hagrid, I'm warning you…"

He was oblivious. "We shall fight in the fields," he said, spotting a convenient patch of tall grass.

"I'll not take this lying down," Merry warned.

He stopped in his tracks.

"Oh, no…no! That's wasn't a suggestion!" she laughed. "This isn't going to end well, is it?"

"S'all in how yeh look at it," he mused, laying her carefully down, and kissing her. In an instant, he'd thrown off his shirt, and was now staring at her with a look of determined mischief. He lowered himself toward her. "But we shall never…"

"surrender," she whispered softly to him, as she unfastened his belt.

A few feet away , a twig snapped, making them both start. They poked their heads cautiously above the tall grass.

"Have you lost somethin', our Merry?" said a kind-faced man.

"Like all your clothes,dear?" smiled the wisp of a woman beside him.

"Uh, Hagrid…my mum…and my dad."

"Uh…" he groped.

"Oh you can tell he's in academics. That was a very insightful 'uh' if I ever heard one, wasn't it, mother?" the man grinned. "We've just dropped by, chiefly because it's been ages, and mum has been sayin' 'Our Merry's too quiet; she's up to somethin''. Ooof!" The last bit earned him an elbow to the ribs, and a cautioning smile from mum.

"Anyway…we've brought lunch. We'll be at Hagrids once you've put your clothes on." The two started back to the hut. "Don't keep LuLu waiting," she called over her shoulder.

"LuLu?" Hagrid mouthed.

"Our 10 year-old bohemian. She will LOVE you," Merry grinned.

What I wouldn't give for a quiet pastoral interlude right about now , Leda thought , as she ran through the courtyard.

I tell a lie, she wasn't thinking anything of the sort. She was thinking "I hate nature…I really, really do," as she came to a skidding halt just inside the front door. She clutched at her side, trying to regain her breath, and poked a finger at Severus. "I need you to deal with this," she gasped at him, "that's the third day in a row that squirrel has chased me up the hill."

There was a commotion in the courtyard as students scattered.

Severus stared at her as Filch ventured near, attracted by the excitement.

Severus was concentrating. Leda… flushed and panting…a small trickle of sweat tracing its way down her throat, all the way down between her…

She looked down, then stared back at him in disbelief. "They seem to follow you around the room, don't they?" she inquired loudly.

He was still concentrating.

She looked to Filch, then back to Severus. "Filch and I were naughty in the supply closet. We're going steady now."

Nothing.

Leda gave Filch a puzzled look. He shrugged his shoulders. Then she made her Ah Ha look.

She turned to Severus, and made a hop. He started.

"Hail Severus, well met! Get out there and give it your What-Variety-Of-Brain-Damaged-Monkey-Are- You? look. Yes, that's the one." She waited a beat, and folded her arms. "Ok, you're not moving…"

"How very astute. Leda, as much as I would like to help you, this is Hagrids purview."

"Hagrid said he knows that rodent, and he won't go near it with a ten-foot barge pole."

"Then get an eleven foot pole," he said, turning on his heel, and walking away.

Leda turned to Filch. "You know, if it wasn't for his sparkling personality, I'd have no use for him at all."

Although his belly was rumbling with hunger, Merry could tell that Hagrid was in no hurry to get back to the hut. A scant five words had passed between them as they walked, and he was looking every bit the condemned man. She took hold of his hand in reassurance.

"Oh Hagrid, you're sweating buckets. Come and sit down," she murmured.

They seated themselves on a fallen tree.

He leaned foreward, staring at the ground. "What if I mess up?"

"Hagrid, just be yourself."

"Bein' m'self means not knowin' what t' say, an' knockin' things over. Merry, I don't do charmin'."

"You charmed me right enough, didn't you?" she said, rubbing his shoulder.

"After I nearly run yeh over."

"Best day of my life," she smiled softly to him. "Hagrid, they're just everyday people. Mum runs a tea shop…"

"An' yer dad sells second-hand goods."

"Gently-used goods. And LuLu will be absolutely mad for you… so there's me and LuLu on your side. That's half the battle." She smoothed her hand through his hair, and gave him a lingering kiss.

He smiled to her, and rose slowly, summoning his resolve. "'Alf a league onward!" he intoned, slipping an arm 'round her shoulder.

Back at the school, battle lines were being drawn. Some factions were plotting, while others were hatching. Both the plotters and the hatchers were united in their distaste for the Can't We All Just Get Along Society that had formed in an effort to try to understand the squirrel's point of view. Particularly disquieting, was the fact that Filch had joined forces with Leda in an effort to be rid of the furry interloper.

The two of them had very nearly made it out the front door; he with Mrs. Norris under his arm, she with a ridiculously large slingshot perched against her shoulder. A deep voice halted them in mid-step.

"I think not."

In unison, they turned on their heels, so much for their cunning plan.

"People just don't know how to have fun anymore," Filch grumbled under his breath.

Hagrid was having fun…loads and loads of fun. Mind, Merry was right about her little sister; LuLu was completely besotted with Hagrid, and while he was managing not to knock anything over, the two sisters busied themselves, making secret hand signals, and mouthing encouragement to him in an effort to put his foot right. Accidentally, when at a loss, he did blurt out to Merrys dad that he had beautiful eyes. Dad, with his usual aplomb, had put his hand to the back of his head, and in a coquettish voice said "Thank you, but I'm spoken for." Hagrid looked stricken, then threw his head back, and roared, sending everyone into a good, freeing laugh as well.

Hagrid glanced out the front window, as he wiped at his eye. "Oh no!" he said, looking to Merry in a panic. "Merry, I need yeh t' do me a big favor!"

Merry hurried over to the window.

"D' yeh see that fella comin' up hill? He's here about Fangs license."

She gave him a jaundiced look. "What about 'be prepared'?"

His eyes pleaded. "I'll never ask for another thing."

"What do you want me to do?"

"Just stall 'im til I get Fang tucked away. Stall 'im… yeh know, walk around, and make your bum go like yeh do."

Merry crossed her arms, and gaped at him. "Make my bum go?"

Hagrid swung his hips, and made mincing steps in illustration. "Yeh know…like this."

"You've done that before, and for your information, what my bum gets up to is no concern of mine."

"Merry.." her mum said.

Merry put her hands on her hips in indignation. "I have never, in all my life, made my bum go!"

"MERRY!" her mum shouted, making them all start. "You can sooth your bums hurt feelings later. Hagrid needs help NOW."

Merry opened her mouth. Mums stare closed it.

"NOW Merry. Get out there, and wave your bum about."

Merry stalked over, and opened the door. "I'll go," she stared at Hagrid, "but I'll not be wavin'."

"Right. There's that," mum said, taking charge. "Hagrid dear, where's the back door?"

"Uh…" he said, looking to the back window.

She exhaled. "Vigyl, get to the other side of that window; we'll be handing Fang out. LuLu, stand at the front window, and keep watch."

"This is too thrilling," LuLu piped.

"And there'll be no fainting , in theory, or otherwise," mum said, pointing at her.

Lu Lu hopped to the window, and peered around the curtain in what she hoped was a provocative manner.

Vigyl ran 'round back, enjoying this bit of insurrection, and waited for a large dog to be stuffed out the window.

Hagrid stood in the middle of the floor, taking it all in while looking thoroughly gob-smacked.

"Hagrid dear.." mum smiled at him.

"Oh…right," he started. "'Ere Fang, up we go."

They weren't laughing and stuffing things out the window up school. Squirrel fever had spread among the ranks of the staff, and two clear schools of thought had emerged as a result. There were those who sided with Dumbledore, in thinking how wonderful it was that so many students were united in their creative efforts to solve a common problem, and there were those who sided with Snape, in thinking that this was a great load of codswallop, and why didn't somebody just set a jarvis on the little bugger.

Severus was deep in conversation with Albus at the foot of the main staircase, when his hand hooked out, and captured a passing Leda. "Just the woman I want to see. Leda, is it possible that you might have left a small bowl of peanuts under the Whomping Willow with a sign which read 'Free peanuts'?"

Leda pursed her lips, and looked thoughtful. "Doesn't sound familiar…"

"Really Leda. You don't even know if that squirrel can read English, do you?"

The truth of the statement hit her, then the intent of it, followed by a firm resolve to do better next time. She smiled Ah Ha, I Nearly Laughed, and slunk back to the library, to plot anew.

She needn't have bothered.

Back at the hut, events were unfolding with a kind of military precision, or controlled chaos, depending on who'd be telling the story later. LuLu was silently standing watch, her eyes big as saucers, while mum and Hagrid worked out how to fold Fang.

LuLu started, her voice trailing up. "Mum…"

"Not now LuLu! Side to side, Hagrid. No, that won't work. Vigyl, are you still there?"

LuLu looked to mum, then to the window, then to mum, hopping silently all the while.

The dog was hoisted up to the window backwards, got a pretty good idea of what was happening, and splayed its back legs against the casements at either side, refusing to budge.

"Aw, do we have to have the rude end first?" whined Vigyl. "GOOD GAWD! WAZZAT SMELL?"

"Sorry 'bout that… Fang's a bit excited."

"Down, down," mum waved to Hagrid, as she covered her nose and mouth.

The three doubled over, and waved, as they sought to recover.

"Don't blow it over here!" piped LuLu, using the curtains as a gas mask.

"Oh it's no good," said mum, catching her breath. "Hagrid, I'm so…"

The front door flew open, and shut again, with Merry pressed against it. She straightened herself, smoothing a damp bit of hair from her face. "Oh, I see you haven't put the dog out yet… that's good. I'll put the tea on, shall….OH..HO, HO!" she doubled over, and waved.

Later that evening, Severus and Albus spotted Leda and Filch heading out , looking like two cats that had just shared a nice canary dinner.

"Is there something you wish to tell me?" Albus asked.

"Noooo…" Leda said, looking offside

Severus took a step forward, and raised his hand a bit. "There is a method to these things, Albus."

He turned to her. "Leda, it has been a very distracting day, and I am not presently in need of blonding. I'm going to ask you a direct question, and I want a direct answer."

Leda paid strict attention.

"What are you two up to?"

Leda grimaced slightly, as she struggled. "Do you mean him and me? Or do you mean us?"

He stared at her for a moment. "I don't care anymore. Albus, this one's yours," he said, turning on his heel.

Leda opened her mouth.

"Oh, give over, Leda," Filch growled. "The truth is, we're going to the Broomsticks. That little bugger attacked a Ministry inspector on his way to see Hagrid. The rodent…is history."

"And of course, you must celebrate," Severus said, dryly.

"We're having a pint in honor of our new squirrel-free zone," Leda said, "no thanks to some people I could mention."

Snapes stare sent her ducking behind Filch.

"After a day like this, I could do with a pint myself," said Albus, joining them. "Severus, are you coming?"

Snape looked at him incredulously.

As Filch and Leda left, Albus walked quietly over. "You're not going to make me mind them both on my own, are you?"

Severus rolled his eyes, and headed for the door.

End of day, and back at the hut, the happy couple were basking in the warm afterglow of…

… no they weren't, they were exhausted. She leaned heavily against him, as he rubbed her back.

"It's hard work pretenden' t' be normal, int it?" he breathed.

She leaned over, burying her face in his beard , as her shoulders shook with laughter. "Honey, I don't think we fooled them any."

Hagrid and Merry sat on the side of the bed, looking at the dishes on the table, then at the sink, then at the bed they were sitting on, then at each other…and he was suddenly inspired.

"You an' me haven't had a proper snog all day, woman," he murmured, smoothing his arms around her, "an' I mean t' fix that."

He captured her mouth in a hungry, deep kiss that turned her knees to butter as he eased her back onto the bed. She relaxed, and made a deep, throaty moan.

He broke the kiss, and grinned at her, his black eyes twinkling.

"What are you looking at?" she smiled.

"Who are you, an' what have yeh done w' my wee shy Merry?"

She feigned offense. "I come all the way over here…"

He gently pulled at the shoulder of her sweater, exposing creamy flesh.

"… because someone promised me a proper…ooooh," she breathed, as he began to trace kisses down her neck, and over her shoulder. She sighed as he smoothed her hair away, and began to taste the soft flesh of her throat. A huge, warm hand smoothed lower, capturing and caressing her brimming flesh. She peered out from beneath her lashes, and saw him studying her intently, watching her reactions. He was taking his time with her, holding his hunger in check, as he sought to know her… to please her. He eased a little onto his side, taking her with him, and claimed her mouth again, smoothing his hand down her back, and giving her a squeeze, as he pressed himself against her. Was he trembling? He was, just a little. They'd been together for months, and she was still new to him. The taste, the scent, the feel of her were almost more pleasure than he could bear. She felt it, and she was suddenly awake, and alive, and loving him with all she was.

A quarter of an hour later, she lay atop him, spent, as he caught his breath.

"Good thing we kep' our clothes on," he murmured, rubbing her back.

She raised herself shakily, and stared at him.

"What?" he grinned.

She widened her eyes, and fell back down on his laughing belly.

Although Merry was shy to say, Hagrid was pretty sure she'd liked that last bit, judging by the looks of admiration, and the little stolen hugs he was getting as they did the washing 'd do a bit of wicked, an' blush like berries if yeh talk about it, he grinned to himself,while shaking his head.

"You are laughing at me."

"Yer funny when yeh come over shy an' all."

"I live to amuse," she smiled , "as if you don't have foibles."

"I don't do foibles…no time fer 'em."

"Hagrid Rubeus, what a bunch of malarkey! Who can't fall asleep unless his boots are lined up just so, and in the right direction?"

"'Ats in case of emergency."

"Be prepared," they piped in unison.

"And when's the last time you had to make a running leap at your boots in the middle of the night?"

"My foibles er practical," he sniffed, "an' your foibles…"

He smiled softly to her. "…are charmin'."

They stood holding each other for a bit… just looking.

"An' if you keep squeezin' my bum like tha', we're not gonna get any work done, woman."

Merrys smile softened a bit as she looked to him. "Do you like them? I mean, they can descend on you like a thundering herd of Irishmen…"

"Merry, I like your people fine. Your dad an' me are goin' up lake. He's quite the fisherman."

"Hagrid, the only thing my dad ever caught fishing was his own backside. He's doing it because that's what you like."

"Well, 'ats a good sign. An' you an' yer mum can go 'round the shops n' such."

"My mum will be after moving every stick of furniture in the cottage," Merry laughed.

"An' what will your LuLu be after?" he grinned.

"You. She said you were a magnificent specimen."

"I am magnificent," he chuckled. "I'm downright majestic."

"I'll tell mum to widen the doors as well."

"Widen the doors?"

"So we can fit your big head through."

He looked to her, suddenly serious. "Merry, how could I not love 'em ? They come from you."

"You're a brave, big-headed man, Mr. Rubeus."

"An' you give me summat t' be brave for, Miss Malloy," he said, kissing her.


End file.
